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Stay or go – making decisions

One of the reoccurring themes my clients, friends and colleagues bring to me are tough, sticky decisions that they are struggling to make. What causes their indecision can be a mixture of things: fear, impact on others or aspects of their lives, cash, time, ease of doing nothing and often, simply not knowing what they really want.

The good news is we all make 1000s of decisions every day, every minute, every second. And for the vast majority of time, things turn out right. Yes, sometimes things go bad for a while, but ultimately things will go right…really right.

Our brains rely on what they’ve seen, heard and done before. That childhood memory of falling off your bike. An article in a newspaper. The slogan of a famous brand. A friend’s comment on your new shirt. Plus all the rest and it stores them all up just in case each titbit can help you make some future decision.

I want to share a framework I use myself and with my coachees and  delegates: Head, Heart and Hands.

Head – the centre of logic and objectivity.

Ask your head what is its reaction? Can you write out the pros and cons of the decision? Can you state facts or evidence to support or squash the decision in front of you? Is there an expert to consult?

Heart – the centre of emotion and subjectivity.

Is your heart bumping with excitement or fear? How would you feel if you decide one way or the other – happy, peaceful and calm or regret, guilt and sadness? Would you want to shout it from the roof tops or hide it away in shame? Can you measure the decision positively against your core values and beliefs?

Hands – the centre of action and doing.

Can you see yourself in the midst of your decision fully motivated and energised? Does the decision enable you to be your best you, using all your talents and passions? Are you itching to get started or running to hide behind the curtains?

You need harmony and agreement between them all or to be able to acknowledge the disagreement and mitigate it. For example, is that shiny new role going to involve a task or attribute that you’re not super keen on – will it kill your “joie de vie” or would it be bearable for a while to achieve your bigger goal?

What are you making decisions about this week? Any you’re really  wrangling with? Maybe I can help. Give me a shout, drop me a line or maybe you have a cool technique or strategy for tough decisions, share it in the comments.

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go pro in Team U to achieve your stretch

Making big changes to your life, career, health, even your hairstyle can be fraught with questions you can’t answer, doubts about getting started and importantly who to turn to for help. OK I’m not gifted in the hair department (I love my curls!), but I do know a thing or two about adding stretch. I know those who share their change, seek inputs and support make the change with style and in less time than those who go it alone:

  • Career changer? If you are keen to move to a competitor or a new role, tell others you want it and instantly increase the number of people looking for your perfect opportunity!
  • Life changer? Maybe you want a better work/life balance or to adopt new health or thinking habit?  Tell others and you’ll get “real life” angels and devils on your shoulders to motivate and push you to succeed.

I think you need a team.

Friends and family can be on your team; they share brilliant advice and suggestions, because they know you really well and want the very best for you. They just don’t get to play every part. Sometimes, they can also be clouded by a desire to protect you or are super comfortable with you just as you are. You need to include some professionals to provide impartial insights and learn through their skills and experience to avoid wasting your time, efforts and money.

Let me give you an example: me.

When I announced my intention to work a 4 day week and study to be a Pilates Teacher, my parents got concerned about my bills, my other half worried about us getting a mortgage, my friends figured I’d have no time for them. All valid concerns and said to ensure I didn’t get into a terrible mess, which I am grateful for. But this wasn’t going to get me thorough 2 years+ of training, practice and exams and ultimately, towards the life I wanted.

I went out and widened my team. Holly, my Pilates teacher became my mentor. My osteopath, Richard, became a fountain of all things anatomy related. My coach, Steph, provided me with encouragement by simply believing I could be successful and helping me to challenge beliefs that were limiting my progress. I read all sorts of blogs, books and experts’ sites. I built a network of peers and learned from their triumphs and failures.

The best thing was I never felt alone – there was always someone to turn to – friend, family, peer, professional. And here I am running my own business, supporting wonderful people in their life stretch and change as a coach, trainer and Pilates teacher. My bills get paid, I have a mortgage and by following my passions, I’m happier. Especially knowing I’m part of your team! Thank you for reading my b-mails, sharing and commenting on Facebook or tweeting my content – and don’t forget, you can also explore this site for other ways I can help. (new page alert!)

Who’s on your team? Who needs a new role to play and importantly, who’s missing? Tell me in the comments about your team and what role they play in “Team U”.

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what’s your big picture?

Sometimes, it’s super easy to get stuck down in the details of everyday life and miss what’s going on at a higher level. You know the saying “can’t see the wood for the trees”, right? Ever felt that way?

I have often seen this happening for truly amazing folks, who for a variety of reasons can’t pull up, breathe and see what’s around them. As a coach, I soak in what I see, hear and sense from them to find a question or observation to help spot the wood. Today, I want to share a simple way to get started, that my clients find useful.

Grab your pen and paper and find somewhere relaxed and disturbance free. Divide the paper in half – top and bottom or left and right – your call.

Let’s take the first half – this is the doom and gloom space. Ask yourself what/who drains my energy? What/who makes me want to stay away? What/who is out of sync with my ambitions and values? Jot it down – big and small, it’s all valid. Be as broad as you can – work, life, relationships, hobbies, socialising, etc. If you run out of steam, ask yourself what else? Note it, ask the same question again and note it…you get the idea.

Move to the second half, the joy and laughter space. Now ask what/who really makes me feel energised and passionate? What/who makes time fly by without me noticing? What/who matches my values and principles? If you dry out, ask “what else?” – keep going until you’re fully out.

Look at both side by side: how can you turn down the doom and gloom and turn up the joy and happiness side? I like to take a big fat black pen to the bad stuff and a big green highlighter to the good 🙂

Now, the wood should be starring back at you from trees in its big picture glory!

Want to develop your joy further and ditch the gloom? Why not book a session with me to get the benefits of a second mind, new perspectives and a good prune of your trees? Head over and drop me a line.

Right now, I’d love you to share in the comments: what are the joy and laughter things in your life? Let us all enjoy them here!!

  • Ritu of The Lifester

    Sarae, I LOVED doing this exercise. Really effective to lift myself out of the panic of holding my first event for 20-somethings and dealing with the “OMG my marketing efforts are not working, what should do?” and the endless minutes spent on Facebook amounting to nothing. I forgot to look at the positive side: 15 RSVPs, a couple of tickets sold, amazing venue, the promise of the pint afterwards 🙂
    Thank you so much. Love, Ritu

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when I grow up I’m gonna be a…….

Hairdresser? Lorry Driver? Occupational Therapist? Vulcanologist? At some stage, I went through a phase of all of these. I was an engineer for a while, before my wonderful manager recognised my skills in setting a direction, bringing people on board with my ideas and getting stuff done. He pushed me into a new career path, asking me some tough questions, pushing a few buttons and finding me an unusual next step. From then on, my passion has been helping others achieve their goals.

As time’s gone by, this has changed from in-house HR and training roles, serving the wishes of bosses, to working independently with individuals, leaders and teams, who are looking at how they grow, shape and make the future brighter.

One of my favourite coaching topics is the “I wanna be a…….ermmm I’m no longer really sure anymore.” dilemma. The subjects we choose at school and university often shape up into a certain career path and for some that really works out well. If you’re like me (and many others), it’s not until later that with a bit of life under your belt, you realise this isn’t what you signed up for or it’s not making use of your true talents.

So now I’m all grown up and can proudly say I’m a coach, trainer and Pilates Instructor – yep I can help you stretch your body, brain and life into that new shape you’re seeking. Drop me a line to start your next big adventure.

Share in the comments below; what did you want to be and how’d it work out?

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