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selling yourself short

March 20, 2014
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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When I’m running out the door to a big day, I can guarantee my wonderful boy’s voice will be ringing in my ears saying “you rock the mostest” and when I get in, he’ll ask how things went. My typical answer goes a bit like this: “it was ok…..I forgot to say this bit…..I wish I’d do this that way….someone made this comment….but it was ok” and you know what his response is? “Sarae, you’re really great at what you do. I’m sure it was amaaaazing from your client’s/clients’ point of view”. Yep I drive him slightly mad selling myself short.

At networking or training events, I happily share my business purpose and the range of different services it encompasses. I’m far less comfortable saying my style is unique, my clients find real personal and professional benefits in working with me and I am worth way more than every pound or euro I charge.

Hmmmm why is that? It’s the truth. I do give my clients great, memorable, life enhancing experiences. You might challenge me and say I fear “being found out” or that I feel like an impostor. Yep, that could be a reason; it’s not mine (I genuinely believe I’m good at what I do and I love growing my abilities further). Or perhaps I’m a bit introverted or uncomfortable sharing things that are dear and important to me. Again, not my reasons.

For me, there’s this little voice that says nice people don’t show off or brag about themselves. Arrogance and inflated egos are real turn-offs to me and qualities I hope never to demonstrate.

I hear people selling themselves short fairly often. I’m left wondering do they even notice they’re doing it and what is it doing to their self esteem, belief and confidence. Do you find yourself doing this too? At work? On dates? At interviews? During appraisals? With friends or colleagues? Yikes. This could have a massive impact on you leading the life you want.

Here’s my way to marketing and selling yourself in a balanced, honest, authentic way:

1)     Answer these questions honestly:

  1. Your name (Are you’re a Rebecca, Bexs, Becky, Becca or even which with whom?)
  2. Your expertise (Mine are Coach, Trainer and Pilates Instructor)
  3. Your specialisms (I work with people who want to change their life for the better AND I do it in an energetic, empathetic way)
  4. Your unique factor (A story, example, fact or interesting “hook” to aid their memory or build their curiosity)
  5. Your “What’s in it for you” factor (why they should want to work/be/share/do with you)

2)     Now ask a few trusted friends, colleagues, mentors, clients…..anyone who’s opinion you respect…..to answer questions b-e for you without sharing yours first. (You can do this anonymously via online tools like typeform or survey monkey.)

3)     Compare both versions and spot any differences. (Yes you can cringe a little here if it helpsJ)

4)     Refine to create a version that accurate describes you in all your true glory.

5)     Then get out there and use it, share it, upload it, say it with a smile, your shoulders back and head held high.

You might take this to form a verbal introduction (elevator or 60 second pitch) or your summary and headline on LinkedIn. You might discover the keywords for your SEO or your tag line. Another approach to this outside of work and business, could be to tweak the above questions for a online dating profile. Switching b and c to:

  1. Your best qualities and personality traits
  2. Your favourite activities

This week, listen out and try to catch when you sell yourself short. Does it happen in similar situations or is it a consistent “thing” for you? Try out the little exercise and share in the comments your new approach to marketing yourself without selling yourself short.

If you know someone who does this and you want to help them, please feel free to share this page with them.

  • Robert • April 14, 2014

    Love the simple approach to create clarity in the mind of the coach/trainer about what they do and how they go about it, thank you for sharing.

  • Sarae • April 14, 2014

    Happy to help – works for all sorts of peeps. Ask your clients, coachees or participants to do it as a homework inquiry piece – changes mindsets, changes their frame of reference and gives new evidence to a belief.

  • Daniela • September 25, 2014

    Not going to lie…really love the pic on this post. Haha 🙂 And the message it really helpful. I like the part about the hook….

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my pet peeve: are you committing it?

March 6, 2014
inb-mail, b-Pilates
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I know we all have one or (two 🙂 ). Mine happens every day, in all sorts of places. The coffee queue, as I’m waiting to be served. Travelling on the tube. Out for a bike ride with my boy (aka the pilot of our tandem). Walking down the street minding my own business. Listening to a speaker at a conference or event. Out to dinner with friends. Seriously annoying.

And the worst thing is the people doing it don’t even know or if they do, they just don’t care. So why do I?

Because I am a Pilates Teacher on a mission to improve your posture.

I say no to rounded shoulders. No to chin juts. No to flat backs. No to slouching. No to pot bellies and tailbones in the air.

NO TO MY PET PEEVE, BAD POSTURE.

The first thing I do with any new client is to ask them to stand up as if they were waiting for a bus or lift. This gives me my first impression of their posture. We then work together to bring their body into “standing neutral” in Pilates terms or as you might say perfect posture. Their first reactions are always “Wow, this feels weird”.

posture

It does feel weird, as your body has gotten used to its habitual way of standing, which has developed from years of use, lifestyle and workplace norms. Did you know reading your smartphone or tablet, combined with hours bent over a keyboard or eating off your lap can all add up to poor shoulder posture? Or that end of the catwalk model pose with your weight on one leg, hip thrown out to the side can give you back issues?

Ok, it’s time for you to stop committing my pet peeve and sort your posture out.

  • Start at your feet – they should be hip joint width apart. That’s approximately the width of your fist with your thumb knuckle sticking out.
  • Knees are soft and slightly bent – this lets them act as shock absorbers as you move.
  • Moving on up to your pelvis. Place your hands on your lower tummy in a diamond shape, heels of your hand on your hipbones, finger tips pointing down to your public bone and thumbs to your belly button. Roll your pelvis forwards and backwards until you find the position where your thumbs are directly above your finger tips making a vertical plane with your hands.
  • Make sure your ribs are directly on top of your hips and you’re drawing in your chest – no popping your boobs/pecs in our faces. Save that for special occasions.
  • Draw your shoulder blades gently together to open up the collarbone area
  • Your arms and hands should now hang loosely by the side of your body with your palms facing the seams of your trousers.
  • Place your first finger on your chin and pull your chin away from it a fraction.

To hold it all in place, you will need to engage your core (ha ha you’ve never heard me say that before!) – lightly squeeze your lower abs under your hand diamond and nip in your waist like putting on a fresh pair of favourite jeans.

Oh I feel better already. You know my pet peeve and how to avoid committing it in front of me.

That said, I’ve got two questions for you:

1) Do you struggle with your posture? If yes, book into a class with me. Either at Physio in the City (near Bank and Monument tube stations), Cadence Performance (Crystal Palace) or treat your team and book a corporate class via Stretching the City.

2) What’s your pet peeve and how can we avoid committing it? Tell us in the comments and brownie guide promise to stop doing it!

  • Daniela • March 6, 2014

    What is a brownie guide promise? haha…this foreigner has no idea. But I do know that attending your pilates class at Physio in the City has DRAMATICALLY improved by posture. My doc just told me last week that she can see a difference.

    But I still have a long way to go. So I pinky promise, brownie guide promise and cross my heart promise that I will be mindful of my posture.

  • Sarae • March 9, 2014

    I love it – I accept your pinky brownie colourful heartfelt promise 😀

    And that folks, is why I am so passionate about Pilates: it makes a REAL difference

  • Robert • March 6, 2014

    I love the fact that reading your post got me sitting up properly in my chair 🙂

  • Sarae • March 9, 2014

    Happy to help – should also get you standing a bit taller on your stage and a bit more air in your lungs to get your voice to the back of the room!

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bump in the night – change your self talk

October 31, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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No, not trick or treaters knocking on your door tonight. No, I mean that little voice you hear when you’re alone with your thoughts. You know the one.

That negative soundtrack on repeat, saying you’re not good enough or you’ll never do it or tells you what a fool you are. Self talk can be a great regulator of your behaviours, but when the negative one switches on, it can become a complete blocker to your change.

Our soundtracks are learnt as we move through life with its ups and downs. When you’re feeling great, you control the volume. However during times of change, uncertainty or when you’re in unchartered waters, it can go out of control.

As you stretch into your new life, don’t let this hold you back. When your negative soundtrack shouts out, you need to reach out for a new tune, a positive self-talk soundtrack. By reframing, you’re effectively editing and re-recording your soundtrack.

Next time you hear that familiar old tune, reframe and start listening to something new:

  1. Pause it – stop the sound and breathe into the silence.
  2. Review it – chat with your self talk, ask why it’s doing what it’s doing.
  3. Remix it – get specific, what would enable you, support you and motivate you?
  4. Record it – create a series of positive statements.
  5. Play it – listen hard and often to your new soundtrack.

Want to make it more powerful? Add reminders for your other senses. For example, create an album cover aka a suitable picture, cartoon or quote and stick it somewhere you look often (back of your front door, inside your notebook or your phone’s home screen – I like this for a quick boost!). Try anchoring, an NLP technique that helps create a physical trigger for your desired outcome. And don’t forget to share it with your friends, mentors and supporters – we all love a good tune and want to dance along with you.

Tell me below: what self talk goes bump in the night for you? And how are you putting it to bed? (Oh and don’t forget to check underneath your bed first – boo!)

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you need to move it, move it – body and mind in action

September 12, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-train
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You all know I’m passionate about how your body and mind work – especially how one can support the other’s change.

Two of my favourite experts are Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Social Psychologist and Doctor Dance aka Peter Lovatt of the Dance Psychology lab. Both work to learn how moving our bodies affects our brains – in Cuddy’s case to see how hormones change our peformance and Peter uses dance to change our abilities and mood.

Your self-perception of your abilities to do something can creep out into your body language – if you’re unsure or lacking confidence, your body posture will typically become smaller. You might cross your arms, avoid eye contact or fidget with your hands. However, feeling great about yourself makes you stand a touch taller, smile more and exude more warmth.

Amy and her team started to measure 2 hormone changes, testosterone and cortisol. The first you’ll know is the “male” hormone and affects our risk taking and the second is the “stress” hormone. Her research focused on hormonal changes in students as they were interviewed. Prior to the interview, some were asked to “power pose” – large, open body postures – and others to adopt low status poses – ie hunched over to make themselves smaller with limbs crossed.

The results? Power posing tricks the brain into increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol: students relaxed and felt more confident. Importantly, they performed better in their interviews.

The Dance Psychology lab is seeking to understand why dancing changes the way we feel. I saw Doctor Dance at a School of Life Sunday Sermon and did some curvy belly dancing and line dancing. Shoulder shimmying and swirling arms open up our creative thinking; whilst the squarer steps gave our logic problem solving skills a boost. WOW! You can watch the sermon here on his next School of Life event page, a dance night in October. I’ll be there and hope you’ll join me.

I use a combination of these to raise my game, increase my personal impact and inspiration. With teams, I’ve incorporated power posing to presentation and influencing skills training and worked with individuals to increase their confidence ahead of difficult situations. By changing body position, posture, gestures and so on, you can make your brain function better, change your mood and open up opportunities. Bringing your body and mind into harmony

Do you consider your body when approaching a situation where you want to be at your best or when your mood needs an uplift? Let us know in the comments; what you do and any favourite tracks to get you moving!

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be the real authentic you!

September 5, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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Over the years, I’ve taken stacks of courses, workshops, seminars and the like. I find it impossible to encourage others to learn and grow, if I’m not doing it myself. I’m delighted to have a well stocked “kit bag” to dip into. Nothing goes in without my explicit approval.

I often get asked why I bother. Surely I’ve got enough to work with by now? Others might say “yes, you bet I do”, but they’re not me. My answer is “nope, not if I’m to be authentic”. I hold myself up as an example of personal growth and change to my clients, tribe and peers but I’m by no means perfect, nor does it always come easy! I’ve got ambitions and I need to continue to change and stretch myself to get them cracked.

b-elastic came about as a platform to support individuals and groups to explore their purpose in life and career, discover their joys and overcome their pains as they moved to achieving and living their purpose. I combine my love of coaching, training and Pilates to do that. And to be authentic, I invest in my own knowledge, practice and skills to bring more to my clients’ personal change journeys as well as my own.

So this week, no tips, no theory or tools to try out. I invite you to invest in your stretch by pondering a few questions about being the real you and committing to amplifying your authenticity this week. Take some notes, draw a picture or create a mindmap as a memory aid and motivator – put it somewhere you’ll see it every day to keep your motivation.

Your 4 short questions to ponder:

  1. What does authentic mean to you?
  2. How do you live up to your definition of authentic?
  3. List out what you can do to dial up your authenticity
  4. Pick 3 things from your list to do this week – one your head says “doh obvious!”, one that makes your heart sing for joy and one for today to get you started!

Hold yourself accountable for your own authentic change or why not use the comments below or our Facebook page as your accountability partner? Post your 3 actions and I’ll be there to support and cheerlead you through an even more authentic week!

If those questions get you in a spin, why not get in touch? I love helping you explore purpose, goals and ambitions – this type of dilemma is perfect for coaching with me!

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