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Who’s your Coach in Team U

September 26, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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Hey, you said you wanted something more, something different, something better in your life. That’s where a coach comes in handy!

I mean it’s so easy to get researching, analysing, discussing, reading, investigating, addressing any risks or potential to fail, planning…. and the list goes on and on and on and on. What happens? Nothing. You make minimal or no impact on your life, you just learn a lot of new information and waste time with endless details and searches. You stay well within your comfort zone and life goes on……..just as it is.

Working with a coach means you get someone’s 100% attention on what you want to achieve – new direction, greater authenticity, action planning, job promotion, new habits or motivation and courage to move forward in some other way. They will help you progress from analysis paralysis, being overwhelmed and going in circles of data, research and procrastination, to taking action and making real change happen.

Your coach is there to provide a safe and supportive environment to explore, understand and clarify each step, behaviour and action. Not only do they offer non-judgmental challenge, through open questions and application of their skills in understanding others, they also bring an intense belief that you can truly do whatever you set out to do. (ok, they’re not going to let you do anything dangerous or illegal, but that’s the exceptions to the rule!)

They can also act as an accountability partner for you – celebrating your successes and sharing your pain at the failures as well as enabling you to understand what made those outcomes happen and how to replicate or avoid them in the future.

If you’d like more info on how I work with people as a coach, pop over to b-coach page.

What would you love a coach in your team to help you with? Shout them out below or over on Facebook and see what this coach has to suggest!

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comfortably uncomfortable – your brain’s reaction to change

August 22, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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This was a phrase I’ve picked up from an innovation trainer. He said, “to unlearn old ways of thinking and learn new ones, you need to get comfortably uncomfortable.” I had to ponder this one. We’ve all heard the statement about when you step outside your comfort zone, that’s where you really grow. Yet we rarely hear about how that can make us feel. Somehow this new description really grabs me – doing something new or different to your norms can really make you feel a touch anxious or scared.

Why does this happen? The part of your brain for complex thinking is called the prefrontal cortex and sits just behind your forehead. It is accessed via the amygdala, the emotional centre. Let’s look at an example – you decide to try a new fitness plan or start a new course or take a new job (that’s the complex thinking bit of the brain working) and you feel really chuffed to have made a decision, but then you get that uncomfortable feeling about getting started, the energy required to succeed or what you have to sacrifice along the road (that’s the emotional centre getting heard!).

Hang in there. I’ve got a brain-friendly fix to help your amygdala feel heard and help you move forward with being comfortably uncomfortable.

Take 2 minutes out from whatever you’re doing and just be still. Now focus your attention on your feelings. List them out one by one, either in your head, out loud or jot them down – whatever suits you. Simply acknowledge each of them like the face of an old friend passing by the window. You’ll notice how you can now concentrate on the action or task in hand, without further energy going to dealing with your emotions.

Getting comfortably uncomfortable is a key skill to acquire if you are going to make the shift you want in your life.  Try this technique out whenever you need to move past your emotions, to focus on whatever you’re doing.

Right before you go, answer these 2 for me in the comments:

  1. What’s your way to deal with feeling uncomfortable? (Biscuits or chocolate? Long runs? Call a mate?)
  2. How did your brain react to this acknowledgement technique?

If you’d like to try out more brain-friendly techniques to help you explore and achieve real change in your life, book a coaching session with me.

  • Grace • August 28, 2013

    1. Unnecessary banter/chat/noise. 2. Uh-oh…

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I say “tomato”, you say “tomarto” – 4 steps to handling doubters

August 8, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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OK so who’s got it right? Me? Or you? When it comes to adding some stretch to your life, everyone has an opinion. I’m sure many simply want the best for you, wanting to investigate your thinking (did you think about ………?) or understand your motivation (You’ve got a great ……….., I think you ought to ……..), but somehow their delivery is a bit clumsy or inadvertently negative. I call them naysayers or doubters and they ruin your mojo! The snag is they may have some wisdom to share and you’ll be too busy tending to your ruffled feathers to hear it. Hmmm it’s not that easy dealing with naysayers.

Here’s my 4 steps to handle them with grace and positivity:

1) Repeat a mini mantra and breathe

Say/ write/ think “positive intent, terrible delivery” and breathe deeply. That should remove the “sting” of what was said.

2) Recognise their emotional hook and yours

We all have them. Maybe they’re speaking from regret at not following their dream or being burnt badly doing something similar? For you, perhaps your hook that it feels like someone hasn’t got your back, or they think you’re an idiot? Once you can see where you’re both coming from, you’ve got a chance to listen, absorb and open up to the conversation.

3) Listen hard and thank them for sharing with you

Don’t dismiss too early; you could be missing something. Listen, thank them and then engage all your curiosity. Check anything you’re not 100% sure you’ve understood through open questions, to encourage them to say more about their point of view. By asking questions, you hold back your reaction or opinion and give them the opportunity to clarify or evidence their point of view.

4) Ask them for their help and support

At the end of the day, whether you agree with them or not, one of the most effective ways to turn a naysayer into a cheerleader is to ask for their help in your change. For example, give them a specific task or role to play. I converted a doubter by asking them to be a sounding board for my business ideas; they feel they are contributing and keeping me safe plus I get a refreshingly honest take on a new b-mail topic, business partner or strategic direction. Priceless!

I seriously hope that you never need these 4 steps – if you do, best of luck and do report back in via the comments.

For any of you dealing with a super persistent naysayer or doubter, get in touch and we can explore via coaching some more techniques to move their thinking, change their approach or reduce their impact on you.

  • Sarae • August 23, 2013

    Howdy all, a small update: I thought you might also like to read how Nikki Elledge Brown, the Communication Stylist handles her public naysayer with style http://bit.ly/13WgXv9

  • Nikki Elledge Brown • September 24, 2013

    Great tips + beautiful site, Sarae! Thanks so much for the mention 🙂

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