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Who’s your Coach in Team U

September 26, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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Hey, you said you wanted something more, something different, something better in your life. That’s where a coach comes in handy!

I mean it’s so easy to get researching, analysing, discussing, reading, investigating, addressing any risks or potential to fail, planning…. and the list goes on and on and on and on. What happens? Nothing. You make minimal or no impact on your life, you just learn a lot of new information and waste time with endless details and searches. You stay well within your comfort zone and life goes on……..just as it is.

Working with a coach means you get someone’s 100% attention on what you want to achieve – new direction, greater authenticity, action planning, job promotion, new habits or motivation and courage to move forward in some other way. They will help you progress from analysis paralysis, being overwhelmed and going in circles of data, research and procrastination, to taking action and making real change happen.

Your coach is there to provide a safe and supportive environment to explore, understand and clarify each step, behaviour and action. Not only do they offer non-judgmental challenge, through open questions and application of their skills in understanding others, they also bring an intense belief that you can truly do whatever you set out to do. (ok, they’re not going to let you do anything dangerous or illegal, but that’s the exceptions to the rule!)

They can also act as an accountability partner for you – celebrating your successes and sharing your pain at the failures as well as enabling you to understand what made those outcomes happen and how to replicate or avoid them in the future.

If you’d like more info on how I work with people as a coach, pop over to b-coach page.

What would you love a coach in your team to help you with? Shout them out below or over on Facebook and see what this coach has to suggest!

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go pro in Team U to achieve your stretch

September 19, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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Making big changes to your life, career, health, even your hairstyle can be fraught with questions you can’t answer, doubts about getting started and importantly who to turn to for help. OK I’m not gifted in the hair department (I love my curls!), but I do know a thing or two about adding stretch. I know those who share their change, seek inputs and support make the change with style and in less time than those who go it alone:

  • Career changer? If you are keen to move to a competitor or a new role, tell others you want it and instantly increase the number of people looking for your perfect opportunity!
  • Life changer? Maybe you want a better work/life balance or to adopt new health or thinking habit?  Tell others and you’ll get “real life” angels and devils on your shoulders to motivate and push you to succeed.

I think you need a team.

Friends and family can be on your team; they share brilliant advice and suggestions, because they know you really well and want the very best for you. They just don’t get to play every part. Sometimes, they can also be clouded by a desire to protect you or are super comfortable with you just as you are. You need to include some professionals to provide impartial insights and learn through their skills and experience to avoid wasting your time, efforts and money.

Let me give you an example: me.

When I announced my intention to work a 4 day week and study to be a Pilates Teacher, my parents got concerned about my bills, my other half worried about us getting a mortgage, my friends figured I’d have no time for them. All valid concerns and said to ensure I didn’t get into a terrible mess, which I am grateful for. But this wasn’t going to get me thorough 2 years+ of training, practice and exams and ultimately, towards the life I wanted.

I went out and widened my team. Holly, my Pilates teacher became my mentor. My osteopath, Richard, became a fountain of all things anatomy related. My coach, Steph, provided me with encouragement by simply believing I could be successful and helping me to challenge beliefs that were limiting my progress. I read all sorts of blogs, books and experts’ sites. I built a network of peers and learned from their triumphs and failures.

The best thing was I never felt alone – there was always someone to turn to – friend, family, peer, professional. And here I am running my own business, supporting wonderful people in their life stretch and change as a coach, trainer and Pilates teacher. My bills get paid, I have a mortgage and by following my passions, I’m happier. Especially knowing I’m part of your team! Thank you for reading my b-mails, sharing and commenting on Facebook or tweeting my content – and don’t forget, you can also explore this site for other ways I can help. (new page alert!)

Who’s on your team? Who needs a new role to play and importantly, who’s missing? Tell me in the comments about your team and what role they play in “Team U”.

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be the real authentic you!

September 5, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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Over the years, I’ve taken stacks of courses, workshops, seminars and the like. I find it impossible to encourage others to learn and grow, if I’m not doing it myself. I’m delighted to have a well stocked “kit bag” to dip into. Nothing goes in without my explicit approval.

I often get asked why I bother. Surely I’ve got enough to work with by now? Others might say “yes, you bet I do”, but they’re not me. My answer is “nope, not if I’m to be authentic”. I hold myself up as an example of personal growth and change to my clients, tribe and peers but I’m by no means perfect, nor does it always come easy! I’ve got ambitions and I need to continue to change and stretch myself to get them cracked.

b-elastic came about as a platform to support individuals and groups to explore their purpose in life and career, discover their joys and overcome their pains as they moved to achieving and living their purpose. I combine my love of coaching, training and Pilates to do that. And to be authentic, I invest in my own knowledge, practice and skills to bring more to my clients’ personal change journeys as well as my own.

So this week, no tips, no theory or tools to try out. I invite you to invest in your stretch by pondering a few questions about being the real you and committing to amplifying your authenticity this week. Take some notes, draw a picture or create a mindmap as a memory aid and motivator – put it somewhere you’ll see it every day to keep your motivation.

Your 4 short questions to ponder:

  1. What does authentic mean to you?
  2. How do you live up to your definition of authentic?
  3. List out what you can do to dial up your authenticity
  4. Pick 3 things from your list to do this week – one your head says “doh obvious!”, one that makes your heart sing for joy and one for today to get you started!

Hold yourself accountable for your own authentic change or why not use the comments below or our Facebook page as your accountability partner? Post your 3 actions and I’ll be there to support and cheerlead you through an even more authentic week!

If those questions get you in a spin, why not get in touch? I love helping you explore purpose, goals and ambitions – this type of dilemma is perfect for coaching with me!

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comfortably uncomfortable – your brain’s reaction to change

August 22, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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This was a phrase I’ve picked up from an innovation trainer. He said, “to unlearn old ways of thinking and learn new ones, you need to get comfortably uncomfortable.” I had to ponder this one. We’ve all heard the statement about when you step outside your comfort zone, that’s where you really grow. Yet we rarely hear about how that can make us feel. Somehow this new description really grabs me – doing something new or different to your norms can really make you feel a touch anxious or scared.

Why does this happen? The part of your brain for complex thinking is called the prefrontal cortex and sits just behind your forehead. It is accessed via the amygdala, the emotional centre. Let’s look at an example – you decide to try a new fitness plan or start a new course or take a new job (that’s the complex thinking bit of the brain working) and you feel really chuffed to have made a decision, but then you get that uncomfortable feeling about getting started, the energy required to succeed or what you have to sacrifice along the road (that’s the emotional centre getting heard!).

Hang in there. I’ve got a brain-friendly fix to help your amygdala feel heard and help you move forward with being comfortably uncomfortable.

Take 2 minutes out from whatever you’re doing and just be still. Now focus your attention on your feelings. List them out one by one, either in your head, out loud or jot them down – whatever suits you. Simply acknowledge each of them like the face of an old friend passing by the window. You’ll notice how you can now concentrate on the action or task in hand, without further energy going to dealing with your emotions.

Getting comfortably uncomfortable is a key skill to acquire if you are going to make the shift you want in your life.  Try this technique out whenever you need to move past your emotions, to focus on whatever you’re doing.

Right before you go, answer these 2 for me in the comments:

  1. What’s your way to deal with feeling uncomfortable? (Biscuits or chocolate? Long runs? Call a mate?)
  2. How did your brain react to this acknowledgement technique?

If you’d like to try out more brain-friendly techniques to help you explore and achieve real change in your life, book a coaching session with me.

  • Grace • August 28, 2013

    1. Unnecessary banter/chat/noise. 2. Uh-oh…

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I say “tomato”, you say “tomarto” – 4 steps to handling doubters

August 8, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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OK so who’s got it right? Me? Or you? When it comes to adding some stretch to your life, everyone has an opinion. I’m sure many simply want the best for you, wanting to investigate your thinking (did you think about ………?) or understand your motivation (You’ve got a great ……….., I think you ought to ……..), but somehow their delivery is a bit clumsy or inadvertently negative. I call them naysayers or doubters and they ruin your mojo! The snag is they may have some wisdom to share and you’ll be too busy tending to your ruffled feathers to hear it. Hmmm it’s not that easy dealing with naysayers.

Here’s my 4 steps to handle them with grace and positivity:

1) Repeat a mini mantra and breathe

Say/ write/ think “positive intent, terrible delivery” and breathe deeply. That should remove the “sting” of what was said.

2) Recognise their emotional hook and yours

We all have them. Maybe they’re speaking from regret at not following their dream or being burnt badly doing something similar? For you, perhaps your hook that it feels like someone hasn’t got your back, or they think you’re an idiot? Once you can see where you’re both coming from, you’ve got a chance to listen, absorb and open up to the conversation.

3) Listen hard and thank them for sharing with you

Don’t dismiss too early; you could be missing something. Listen, thank them and then engage all your curiosity. Check anything you’re not 100% sure you’ve understood through open questions, to encourage them to say more about their point of view. By asking questions, you hold back your reaction or opinion and give them the opportunity to clarify or evidence their point of view.

4) Ask them for their help and support

At the end of the day, whether you agree with them or not, one of the most effective ways to turn a naysayer into a cheerleader is to ask for their help in your change. For example, give them a specific task or role to play. I converted a doubter by asking them to be a sounding board for my business ideas; they feel they are contributing and keeping me safe plus I get a refreshingly honest take on a new b-mail topic, business partner or strategic direction. Priceless!

I seriously hope that you never need these 4 steps – if you do, best of luck and do report back in via the comments.

For any of you dealing with a super persistent naysayer or doubter, get in touch and we can explore via coaching some more techniques to move their thinking, change their approach or reduce their impact on you.

  • Sarae • August 23, 2013

    Howdy all, a small update: I thought you might also like to read how Nikki Elledge Brown, the Communication Stylist handles her public naysayer with style http://bit.ly/13WgXv9

  • Nikki Elledge Brown • September 24, 2013

    Great tips + beautiful site, Sarae! Thanks so much for the mention 🙂

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