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I say “tomato”, you say “tomarto” – 4 steps to handling doubters

August 8, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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OK so who’s got it right? Me? Or you? When it comes to adding some stretch to your life, everyone has an opinion. I’m sure many simply want the best for you, wanting to investigate your thinking (did you think about ………?) or understand your motivation (You’ve got a great ……….., I think you ought to ……..), but somehow their delivery is a bit clumsy or inadvertently negative. I call them naysayers or doubters and they ruin your mojo! The snag is they may have some wisdom to share and you’ll be too busy tending to your ruffled feathers to hear it. Hmmm it’s not that easy dealing with naysayers.

Here’s my 4 steps to handle them with grace and positivity:

1) Repeat a mini mantra and breathe

Say/ write/ think “positive intent, terrible delivery” and breathe deeply. That should remove the “sting” of what was said.

2) Recognise their emotional hook and yours

We all have them. Maybe they’re speaking from regret at not following their dream or being burnt badly doing something similar? For you, perhaps your hook that it feels like someone hasn’t got your back, or they think you’re an idiot? Once you can see where you’re both coming from, you’ve got a chance to listen, absorb and open up to the conversation.

3) Listen hard and thank them for sharing with you

Don’t dismiss too early; you could be missing something. Listen, thank them and then engage all your curiosity. Check anything you’re not 100% sure you’ve understood through open questions, to encourage them to say more about their point of view. By asking questions, you hold back your reaction or opinion and give them the opportunity to clarify or evidence their point of view.

4) Ask them for their help and support

At the end of the day, whether you agree with them or not, one of the most effective ways to turn a naysayer into a cheerleader is to ask for their help in your change. For example, give them a specific task or role to play. I converted a doubter by asking them to be a sounding board for my business ideas; they feel they are contributing and keeping me safe plus I get a refreshingly honest take on a new b-mail topic, business partner or strategic direction. Priceless!

I seriously hope that you never need these 4 steps – if you do, best of luck and do report back in via the comments.

For any of you dealing with a super persistent naysayer or doubter, get in touch and we can explore via coaching some more techniques to move their thinking, change their approach or reduce their impact on you.

  • Sarae • August 23, 2013

    Howdy all, a small update: I thought you might also like to read how Nikki Elledge Brown, the Communication Stylist handles her public naysayer with style http://bit.ly/13WgXv9

  • Nikki Elledge Brown • September 24, 2013

    Great tips + beautiful site, Sarae! Thanks so much for the mention 🙂

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bingo – toned arms for the summer

August 1, 2013
inb-mail, b-Pilates
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No, not what my nan loves on holiday! But the unflattering name we give those wobbly bits under our upper arms. With summer finally here, I wanted to share a couple of quick fixes for beautiful, toned arms and shoulders. I’m going to focus on 3 muscles: bicep, tricep and deltoids. Make sure you have plenty of space around you and if possible, do these in front of a mirror to check you’ve got your arms in the right places. Let’s get started!

[rev_slider dw_combo]

 

The dumb waiter combo – Follow the mini-images above to crack this one. Imagine you’re holding a tray in front of you: elbows drawn down by your waist and bent at 90 degrees and your forearms supporting the “tray”. Now rotate your hands out to your sides to “drop” the tray and continue to move your arms up in an arc so you look like a giant T shape (e.g. arms stretched out at shoulder height either side, 90 degrees under your armpits). Flex your elbows to 90 degrees to become a giant fork (your arms are two prongs and your head a pea on the middle prong!) and draw the forearms together in front of you, as if you wanted to squeeze a beach ball in front of your face. Phew – halfway! Bring the arms back to the fork position, straighten your arms to the T shape and then draw your elbows down to your waist and finally, back to the tray position. You’re back at the start! Now repeat the whole cycle again (6 times min.) and add more reps or small weights, as you get stronger (try small water bottles or cans of beans).

The arm circle/pulse combo – I described the first part of this in an earlier b-mail, so assuming you’ve been practicing regularly; I’m going to add the next level of challenge. Stand in the T shape position and get ready to increase the burn! Making sure you’ve plenty of space between your ears and your shoulders, draw small controlled circles, moving from the shoulder joint – small being the key word here. Six in one direction, six in the other. Palm facing forward, pulse the whole arm forward a small amount – yes, it’s that word again, small – six times, turn palms backwards, six pulses backwards. Palms down, six downwards pulses. Last, you guessed it – palms up, six upwards. Got it? Repeat the full set of circles and pulses at least twice. Again, build more sets and add weights.

Why not add these to your morning and evening routines, to achieve beautiful toned arms that you’ll want to show off? While you wait for the shower to heat up or the kettle to boil or during the commercial break of your evening viewing….I’m confident you can find a few minutes each day to invest in sculpting your arms!

Give it a go and if you like the results you see or you want help getting it right, why not come along and try one of my classes to get the same success for your whole body!

How do you fit exercise into your hectic day? Let me know how you combine it into your day to inspire others’ practice.

  • Ritu | the lifester • August 5, 2013

    Love the animated Gif. nice one! xxoo Ritu

    • Sarae • August 7, 2013

      Just a hint of the bionic woman in it 🙂 More to follow on Pilates at the end of the summer!

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lost your voice?

July 25, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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Last week, I wrote about purpose and personality making a compelling, inspiring message (Missed it? No worries – it’s here) and I’ve worked with some great people, who on paper have the content cracked and can blow you away with their passion for the topic. Yet when it comes to being in front of a sea of faces or that key decision maker, something gobbles up their confidence and they fail to convey their message.

I know I’ve done it – my first presentation at London Business School in front of my stakeholders and my wider team and I REALLY wanted to impress. I was all clued up on my purpose, my notes printed out and was all set. But when I started I heard this wobbly voice and someone gasping for air. ECK! That’s not me nor what I’m known for – I am an engaging, energising speaker.

I took a deep breath and announced my purpose – pause – more air and I set out my stall of great, pragmatic content including why I believed in it. I asked the audience if they’d find it valuable. I watched a few heads nod and heard a few mumble “yes”.

How was I able to do this? I had socialised my summary (aka my introduction) with a number of people – firstly, to check relevancy and style and secondly, to rehearse saying it out loud without the pressure of the moment. Once the former was cracked, the latter gave me chance to build muscle memory in my brain and tongue – the same as a sprinter will break down each part of their race into components and repeat each piece numerous times, great speakers breakdown their message and repeat it.  Each repetition builds a stronger memory in the brain and the operating muscle group (legs for an explosive start or the mouth and mouth for a speaker).

Having delivered to conference halls of 4,000+ and senior management, I have a wealth of experience, techniques and tools to share on public speaking. I can also draw upon my studies of anatomy and physiology to manage your energy and nerves to increase your success.You may have heard the mantra of “rehearse, rehearse, rehearse” and been recommended to deliver to a mirror or video camera, which can be really powerful and really unnatural.

get heard post image

Try my mini rehearsal technique – say it and say it often. Discuss your message and purpose with others and you’ll build a fluidity and familiarity, which will help you deliver with confidence and passion. Plus you gain support, encouragement and more energy for your message along the way. For the Win!!

What’s your favourite way to prepare ahead of your big moment? Share them in the comments please!

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did you get the message?

July 18, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-train
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I love getting my weekly dose of TED video talks on the amazing, inspiring and sometimes downright weird from around the world. Whilst I may never travel to the moon or the Amazon basin, nor am I likely to be involved in technological advances for disease treatments and cures, I do watch in awe of how brilliant the speakers are and ponder what’s the magic ingredient making them so darn compelling and engaging.

I think it’s 2 things – both of which we can all make use of; from our 1 to 1 conversations, to the largest presentation in an overflowing auditorium.

The first is to define your purpose. For me, this is the combination of 3 things: why is this message important to this person(s), what do I want them to feel about it and what do I want them to do as a result. Combining these will help you shape your communication style, your choice of words and pick the right time and environment.

Now, number two in my head should come easy, but I know I sometimes struggle with it when I get a touch overwhelmed by the occasion. It’s about injecting a bit of yourself – why is it important to me and why do I believe in my message. By this, I mean not only sharing your brilliant logic, research, evidence and the like with them; I mean add in your emotion, passion, energy and personality to make the message really be heard.

You might say “Sarae, I get the purpose bit alright, but I need to come across as a professional here!”. I couldn’t agree more and I’d suggest you’d be a much more interesting professional to work with, learn from, debate with and support if you shared a bit more of your heart and soul.

If you’re interested in learning more about purpose and the idea of logic and emotion in your comms, give me a shout as I often train corporate teams on this in short and longer format sessions.

Can you think of someone who’s able to get you nodding along with them and eager to take action? Share their magic ingredient in the comments, so we can all learn a new one!

PS next week, get the second part of getting your message heard!

  • Ritu • July 23, 2013

    This post made me think… “do I have my message clear in my own head?” I think I’m a bit fuzzy right now to be honest. Great post! Thanks for that! xxoo Ritu

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improve your PB with Pilates!

July 11, 2013
inb-mail, b-Pilates
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Andy Murray Facebook timeline post image

Murray’s Facebook photo celebrating his Wimbledon win!

How amazing has the last 12 months been for GB sports? We had Wiggo and now Froome in the Tour de France, some cracking Olympic feats and not to mention my world record breaking Big Blue Kick (ok me and 800+ others doing a synchronised Taekwondo routine in aid of Barnardos). Did you know Andy Murray includes it in his training programme? Should you?

Cyclists can forget saddle sores and increase their stamina and power, by building a stronger powerhouse of core muscles. They stop you wobbling left to right over your saddle and help you channel all that wasted effort onto the road.

Golfers can smoooooooth out their swing with a solid, yet rotationally flexible core as well as hit with greater accuracy through improved shoulder stability.

And what about runners? Tight hamstrings, IT bands and quads? Yep, Pilates builds your core for power transmission to the road and gives you easy to remember warm up and cool down stretches to protect your muscles and ease away any tightness.

And not forgetting accelerating your serve and strengthening your backhand return. It works for Andy – it can work for you too!

So for the mega fit – does your fitness activity include training on body control and awareness? If not, add Pilates – in 6 or so sessions, you can learn how to tune into your core and achieve more from your favourite sports, gym or fitness routine.

And for those of you who enjoy perhaps a few too many hours of watching sports on TV, Pilates is a gentle way to begin your new fitness programme. You’ll build flexibility and strength, as well as growing your body awareness, co-ordination and your confidence.

Ready to raise your bar? Book now for an assessment or arrange a technique Where are you looking for better results? Hit them into court below in the comments and I’ll do my best to cheer you on!class and shave a few seconds off your record, whilst increasing your lifespan!

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