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Get ready for your new year: Goodbye 2013

December 5, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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This the first of a four worksheet bundle to enable you to start 2014 with some proper added “tra la la la laaaaaaaa”!

Each one is a weekly stage of a larger debriefing and planning journey – my hope is that between your Christmas shopping, wrapping, pantomime horsing about and relaxing,  you’ll be able to hide out for a bit of “me time” and invest in your stretch for 2014.

To give you the big picture, the four worksheets are:

  • Goodbye 2013
  • Decode 2013 (out 12th December)
  • Prioritise 2014 (out 19th December)
  • Activate 2014 (out 26th December)

This week’s worksheet is intended to be enjoyed with a good brew (or yummy mulled wine depending on the time of day!). It’s a nostalgic reminisce, which delivers part cheesy grin and part awkward cringe as you fondly reflect on your 2013.

Download your worksheet here: Get ready for your new year – Goodbye 2013

Please share this with friends, family and colleagues to give them some added oomph to their 2014……have I just solved your present for the person who has everything!? Simply click on the share button on the image at the top of the page or alternatively, if you’ve got a Hootlet, Pinterest or Twitter extension in your internet browser, pop it out through there! (If not google can provide a download :-))

I’d love to hear from you on what comes out of your ponderings this week in the comments. Put the kettle on, grab a printout of the worksheet and a handful of coloured pens and start your year end stretch!

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3 lessons on the speed of change – are you a winner?

November 28, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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I want you to cast your mind back to Aesop’s Fables and specifically, the Hare and the Tortoise story. Remember it? They have a race and the hare thinks “oh the tortoise is sooooo slow, I’m gonna win this easy” and then snoozes away under a tree. The tortoise takes the race at his pace, suiting his actions to his talents – determination, tenacity and courage. Tortoise wins the race, much to hare’s surprise.

Once you set off on your change journey, you can get tangled up in your own hare and tortoise dilemma.

Part of you will, I’m sure, be super keen to speed away towards your goal and then one or both of 2 things happen: You lose energy and drive, take a nap under your tree and then struggle to get going again. Or you get a lead as things come easy to you, so you back off the gas and take a nap under your tree and then struggle to get going again. Complacency isn’t change’s friend – you have to invest your time, effort and energies into making it happen.

Lesson #1: Don’t go at it like a bunny!!

There is also a part of you who REALLLLLLY wants to win your race. A part of you who can picture life in glorious technicolor with your change race won and is going to work at it until you get there.

But you recognise significant, permanent change requires a sustainable pace – your speed of change needs to be the one you can keep up until you cross the finish line. This means you’re able to tackle the easy and tough with the same level of zest, motivation and commitment. Just like the tortoise, who crossed the line at his slow and steady speed.

Lesson #2: Move at your own pace to create sustainable change.

I wonder what the other forest animals made of the betting odds on the start line. Would they have backed the hare as the likely winner? Or gambled on the tortoise’s wisdom? And how would those bets influence the competitor’s mindset?

The spectators and commentators in your change race might also be split on the outcome. Some will back you all the way and others might have some doubts. Whatever the type or size of change you’ll looking to achieve – your mindset and outlook will have a real impact. Who you gonna believe? Those on the sidelines or your gut, your instincts, your inner oomph?

The tortoise may not have been the obvious winner, but I bet he believed he could cross that finishing line ahead of the hare by doing it at his own pace.

Lesson #3: Believe you can win from the b in bang.

Aesop wanted his fables to deliver morals, ethics and strong values to his readers. OK my interpretation is probably not quite what he was thinking, but heck we’ll never know. My b-mail fable seeks to enable you to stretch your life in positive ways.

Enjoy the newness of the starting phase, but don’t let complacency slip in. Be realistic in your pace to ensure you can sustain your energy right across the finishing line and trust your ability to succeed.

How do these 3 lessons apply to your change journey? Have they made you rethink your timescale or shift your race mindset? I’d really like you to share your observations and thoughts in the comments.

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ditch distraction and get focused! Part 2

November 21, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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Missed part 1 of this duo? Read it here and ditch your distractions with new habits.

How are those new habits helping? Still finding those distractions slipping back in? You need part 2 of our strategy: to clarify your “why?” As in Why I am doing this? Or you might know it as the “what’s in it for me?” question.

You may know the reasons why this change is important to you –  I want see a bit more rigour in them to ensure they deliver focus and results for you.

Dan Pink’s Drive book pulls together tonnes of research on motivation to conclude the “carrot and stick” method no longer works, but true motivation comes from mastery, autonomy and purpose.

I want to work on the last one, Purpose in this strategy (although you’ll find the other 2 at the bottom as a bonus 🙂 ) Pink considers purpose to be the context in which we are. I think it’s a combo of the reason you do something and your sense of resolve or determination to achieve it.

I want you to pin down your change’s purpose, so you can use it to vanquish any pop-up distractions and make progress. This might be at the highest level or something more detailed; for example adopt a health conscious lifestyle to ensure you live to a ripe old age vs. eat your 5 a day.

Take a blank sheet of paper. List (or draw) the positive impacts and benefits of your change in all aspects of your life: career or business, play, friends, family, partner, finances, health, personal growth, physical environment and so on.

Got them all? Ask yourself “what else?” and see what comes. Ask it again and again until you’re totally out.

Now sit back and review what you’ve produced. anything really do nothing for you? Cross them out. (Hey they may be benefits, but if they don’t give you that special feeling, consider them a freebie).

Looking at what’s left, what leaps off the page for you? Makes you grin? Ignites the fire to get moving? Mark these with a little star or underline/circle them in another colour. You just found the elements of your purpose.

Complete the following statement first for your big high level goal and then the mini chunked up goals between here and there:

I am/I do …..…….… (describe your goal here) ………………..,

so that ………… (add in the attention grabbers here ………..

Make sure to get specific in your words – are the five senses in there? Look, feel, hear, smell and taste. OK the last 2 can be tricky for some goals, just try it. You’ll remember a while back, I did a 56 mile charity bike ride and was finding fitting in all the training hard; I don’t like riding at dawn – I need coffee then and after a long day with clients, it was easy to be seduced by social plans. So my statement read like this:

“I am cycling this crazy distance for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research, so that I raise record donations to kick blood cancer in the teeth, increase my long distance stamina and can eat more yummy mango-tango energy bars and bonus: I can suck it out my teeth when it gets tough.”

It worked: 30-60 minutes every other day on the turbo trainer, longer weekend rides out of town and a kick-ass 4 hour 31 minute ride gave me loads more long distance capability, a few empty wrappers and just short of £500 raised!

Once your statement is crafted, display it or a visualisation of where you do you change activity. If distractions creep up on you, deploy your new habits (b-mail part 1 ) and repeat your purpose statement to get focused.

Keep up those new habits and layer on your purpose statement – Post how this 2 part strategy tackles your distractions and delivers you focus in the comments and would love it if you could share your statements too.

And for those of you who like to get the full picture and I’m at risk of leaving you hanging on Pink’s theory. Bonus b-mail content to ensure you get that change wagon really rolling!

Mastery: We thrive when we’re at our best, hence becoming the go-to girl or guy or delivering to über high quality give us a kick. Now relate this to your change activity.

  • Collate a list of your “how tos” to get your change activity/activities completed from as many sources, people, books, etc. as you can.
  • Score each either
    • 1 – I suck at this
    • 2 – I can do this ok
    • 3 – I’m great at this
  • Ditch any 1s or if key, delegate or seek intensive guidance
  • Work hard to lift 2s with some guidance to make them 3s
  • Run with those 3s and show us what you got!

Autonomy: Like being told not only what to do, but also how, when and with who to do it? Get your goat? Ruffle you feathers? Yep. Me too. You got to make it your own – no one wants a carbon copy same goal or outcome; you’re unique – own it.

  • Go back to the 3s, how does your way look like or how could your way differ?
  • Prioritise your options and choose the “hot to” way that most inspire and excites you.

Bring it all together – Mastery, Autonomy and Purpose. Now get those activities in your diary, visualise your success regularly and chart your progress. Enjoy!

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ditch distractions and get focused! part 1

November 14, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail, b-Pilates, b-train
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You know I love sharing skills, techniques and the like with others to enrich their lives. I ensure participants leave with new knowledge AND ways to use their learning immediately.

But, sometimes they get distracted, even when they reeeeaalllllyyy want the change and all its goodness.

Our brains are buzzing away with all sorts of stuff – important info, funny anecdotes, facts and figures, calendar appointments and deadlines, and the list goes on. Then add in the complexity of our modern world lives – work, family, friends, fun and the list gets longer. Then add in the connectivity we enjoy – email, smartphones, Twitter, Facebook and all the rest……..

You still reading? Did your email just ping? Text messages ping?

Hey, back here please. Thank you 🙂

To keep distraction at bay, I believe you need to create a habit around your change activity and to get super clear on your “why”. These are tooo juicy to cover both in one b-mail, so more on clarifying your why in next week. Here’s an example of how a habit can help.

When I’m teaching a Pilates class, regardless of my students’ abilities or experience, my habit is to start with 3 standing roll downs and to end with one.

Why? 2 reasons. It helps them and it helps me stop the distractions and focus in on what we’re doing.

The first 3 roll downs get everyone’s heads out of whatever happened for them before the class. You know what it’s like getting to leave work on time, squeezing in that final task and then the joys of public transport at rush hour! Yuk! It also acts as a check of our status quo – tense neck muscles, stiff lower lumbers, engaging their cores and allowing our breathing to flow to our lower ribs.

The final roll down is to close the session and our learning, to release us into our next activity. It also serves as a “review” of their progress over the hour. Are they moving more smoooooothly? Can they breathe a bit deeper? For me, I also add in “are they wearing a big fat grin to see them through their week?”.

And in that hour, they’ve focused on their bodies, breathing and movements and added some stretch into their lives. Distractions? What distractions?

I want to get personal – what habits can you build about your change activities? Let’s look at a few different types of change to give you some inspiration.

Fit in a run 3 times a week: habits could include putting your trainers and shorts out just before bedtime, timing yourself each time to check your improvement and a hot, invigorating shower afterwards.

Growing your online network: planning time for tweets and posts of your insights, learning or news items and additional time to read and enjoy others’ content. Be sure to comment and contribute to blogs and groups. Why not, set yourself a weekly target number of actions?

Study a course module: using the same, specific notebook and pen each session, starting with a “parking lot” (a list of all those things buzzing in your head – get them out and parked on the page) and setting a measurable outcome (like what chapter to get through, what you’ll be able to recall, or the application of your learning at the end of the session).

Now your turn, what habits can you build into your change activities to stop the distractions? Use the comments to let us know what they are AND how they help focus you on achieving your change activities.

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bump in the night – change your self talk

October 31, 2013
inb-coach, b-mail
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No, not trick or treaters knocking on your door tonight. No, I mean that little voice you hear when you’re alone with your thoughts. You know the one.

That negative soundtrack on repeat, saying you’re not good enough or you’ll never do it or tells you what a fool you are. Self talk can be a great regulator of your behaviours, but when the negative one switches on, it can become a complete blocker to your change.

Our soundtracks are learnt as we move through life with its ups and downs. When you’re feeling great, you control the volume. However during times of change, uncertainty or when you’re in unchartered waters, it can go out of control.

As you stretch into your new life, don’t let this hold you back. When your negative soundtrack shouts out, you need to reach out for a new tune, a positive self-talk soundtrack. By reframing, you’re effectively editing and re-recording your soundtrack.

Next time you hear that familiar old tune, reframe and start listening to something new:

  1. Pause it – stop the sound and breathe into the silence.
  2. Review it – chat with your self talk, ask why it’s doing what it’s doing.
  3. Remix it – get specific, what would enable you, support you and motivate you?
  4. Record it – create a series of positive statements.
  5. Play it – listen hard and often to your new soundtrack.

Want to make it more powerful? Add reminders for your other senses. For example, create an album cover aka a suitable picture, cartoon or quote and stick it somewhere you look often (back of your front door, inside your notebook or your phone’s home screen – I like this for a quick boost!). Try anchoring, an NLP technique that helps create a physical trigger for your desired outcome. And don’t forget to share it with your friends, mentors and supporters – we all love a good tune and want to dance along with you.

Tell me below: what self talk goes bump in the night for you? And how are you putting it to bed? (Oh and don’t forget to check underneath your bed first – boo!)

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